Archive for November, 2009

BGR – Having a CRUSH

Posted: November 24, 2009 in BGR, Relationships

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gushed recently in an interview with US Vogue magazine about her crush on British Foreign Secretary David Milliband. She described him as smart and attractive and was enamoured with his British accent.

We all know that feeling. He walks into the lecture theatre and suddenly your cheeks are flushed and you find it hard to breathe. It’s hard to concentrate and differentiate between a demand and supply curve and keep stealing glances at him only to quickly look away if he looks your way. She’s studying in the library alone and you have an urge to go up to her and ask if you can sit with her. But you’re so afraid that she’ll freak out and think you’re a pervert so you take a table diagonally opposite her and drew little hearts on your maths tutorial.

A crush is a strong feeling that we have towards someone else and often it’s hard to control how we feel. Who we have a crush on and when we have a crush is not always a rational, cognitive decision either. So the question here is more if you have a crush, then what do you do? Again it’s about how having that crush impedes your functioning. If you find yourself losing sleep, not being able to concentrate in class, daydreaming about him/her 90% of the time, feeling listless and lousy when he/she is not in school or in more extreme cases using his/her photograph as your desktop wallpaper (without the person knowing) or stalking him/her (hiaks!) then maybe it’s timely to do something about it. And the way I see it, there are two things you can do. One is to forget it and the other is to act on it.

Act on it. Well instead of admiring from a distance, you can try to establish a friendship with your crush first and allow both of you to get to know each other without all that intensity of a romantic relationship. Use your existing network of friends ‘creatively’. Or you can take the bold step and tell your crush how you feel. Even if you get rejected, at least you don’t have to live the rest of your life ‘not knowing’. Forget it. Easier said than done of course. But if you decide that you don’t want to act on it, then why dwell on it further especially if it’s eating at you? Sometimes it’s helpful to remember that when we have a crush on someone, we tend to have an unrealistic sense of who that person is. We see only the good bits and are blind to the not so good bits. Having a more accurate perception might help. Your friends might be able to help you with this.

All that said, I have a terrible crush on kimura takuya ever since he acted in ‘long vacation’ as an aspiring pianist. I still have a crush on him and think I will hyperventilate and die if I ever see him face to face. I bought the Gatsby hair wax (even though I don’t wax my hair) because he endorsed the commercial. All my friends know about my crush on kimtaku and it’s just been a fun topic to laugh about and it never really made me feel that my life will be incomplete if I never ever get to say daisuki! to him. So it’s not all terrible if you find yourself having a crush on someone. Sometimes it makes life all the more interesting. 😉

Boys and Girls and BGR

Posted: November 24, 2009 in Uncategorized

Well now that A’levels are ALMOST over (I’m so happy for you guys!) I’m gonna write about something less academic-ish and seemingly more suited for the romantic Christmas season – *drum roll* BGR. I’ve been shunning the BGR topic like forever…haha…cos it’s such a LARGE topic and so COMPLEX. And also in many ways I hardly think I’m the best person to write about BGR considering my lousy track record with men…haha. Am I already sounding nervous? So many people have so many different ideas about BGR and even about whether JC students should date or even if anybody has any business telling you whether you should/should not date! Anyways, I’ve been clamoured to write about this topic so I shall bravely attempt to do so. Again, as is typical of me,  I haven’t really decided how many parts there will be and exactly what I’m going to talk about. If there are specific aspects of BGR that you definitely want to see on this blog please post a comment and let me know! I think my next post shall be about this thing called CRUSH…….

Rubik’s Cube

Posted: November 10, 2009 in Uncategorized

rubik's cubeI’ve been rather enamoured with the Rubik’s Cube recently. I finally learned the secret technique to completing it and I’m now able to complete it under 5 minutes which really isn’t anything to brag about considering the young fellows who taught me the technique can all comfortably finish it under 40 seconds! Now before you go and call me a geek, I realize while wrestling with the Rubik’s Cube that there’s actually quite alot that we can learn from doing the cube. The thing with the cube is that the ultimate outcome is the same – getting all the colors to be uniform on all 6 faces. There are many different ways to get there. Some people may take longer (like me!) and some may take a considerably shorter time but regardless of the path taken we eventually do get there.

I think of how the promotional results will be released next Monday. Some of you J1s might find yourself having to be retained for another year, or some might decide to drop out and go the poly route. But regardless of the path taken or the time taken to get there (and ‘there’ might mean getting an education or going to university) the important thing to remember is that you will eventually get there if you don’t give up. It was also important for me to focus while doing the cube. I tried watching television and cubing at the same time but it didn’t really work out. Haha. So I think it’s also important to not lose focus even when the path you’re on seems more long-winded and confusing than you initially anticipated.

That said, if any of you reading this post knows how to speedcube please come and share your wisdom with me. Those who are uninitiated to cubing and wants to know how to solve it under 5 minutes using my slow slow method come and look for me when I’m very very free. 😉

Here’s my next challenge. Haha.

Oh! Unrelated but I found an interesting website for teenagers dealing with teen issues. Check it out.

After writing part I of this motivation series, I took a walk around school and saw a particular student (also in J2) who came to see me three weeks ago. Let’s call her S. Seeing her compelled me to quickly write another post as follow-up to the first one where I encouraged you to remind yourself about what you’re studying for. When I asked S that question, she couldn’t come up with any answer. She had no idea what course she would do in university (if she gets into uni). She doesn’t even know if she would want to get into uni in the first place. Needless to say, she doesn’t know what A’levels mean to her. Everyone around her tells her that it’s important for her to do well but as exams draw nearer and stress levels became higher, she started wondering what was the purpose of the whole thing anyway. Like M, she wanted to throw in the towel.

During the counselling session, I tried to explore different alternatives with her and see what her interests and passion are, hoping to do what I did with M. Nothing really cliqued until we discussed the fact that S had been in YJC for 3 years (S repeated J1). Now 3 years feels like a long time when you are 19 years old and it hasn’t been an easy 3 years with exams, time trials, homework etc etc. S realized that if she threw in the towel now, she would have wasted 3 years of her youth. She wanted to at least have something to show for all the time that she invested in the A’levels course. In short, she wanted to finish it off in style. Somehow when she focused on the here and now, instead of thinking about a vague and unpredictable future, S managed to find her motivation to work and put her best foot forward now. When I saw her in school today, she was studying with a group of friends.

So I suppose when we don’t know what we’re doing this for and when the future seems unpromising and unhopeful, we could still pick ourselves up and focus on the here and now and perhaps find our motivation somehow.

motivation posterI haven’t been the most motivated in writing this blog which is ironic considering the current topic is about motivation…and before we know it A’levels is here and the bulk of the papers are next week. So I’m not sure if this entry will be in time for anything…sorry J2s. When I didn’t feel motivated writing this blog I remind myself what I’m doing this for and today the reminder worked like a charm…

I often ask students who come and see me this same question – what are you doing this for? A few months ago, a J2 student (let’s call him M) came to see me because he was not feeling motivated to do anything and thought of throwing in the towel. M later told me that he hated how his relatives would look down on him and his family because they were poor. In fact, he is the only one in the family to make it to JC and the only one with any hope of even making it into university. Doing well in his A’levels would mean so much – self validation, a chance to break out of the poverty cycle, being able to rub it in the nose of his snobbish relatives. Reminding himself of all these helped M to find his motivation again. Visualising how proud he would feel helped him to feel even better. I asked him to write these down in a journal or draw his visualisations on a piece of paper as a reminder when he feels down again. M’s motivation level still goes up and down but at least he now knows how to remind himself.

Of course I’m simplifying the whole process to condense it into one readable paragraph. It’s one thing to know it in the head, and another to hold it in the heart and yet another to translate it into action. How about you? What do you need to remind yourself of? A’levels is but a means to an end. What is your end? Ask yourself, what are you doing this for?