Managing Change – My 1st day at YJC

I’ve been wanting to write a post on coping with change and transitions especially for our new JC1 students but somehow I’m only getting round to it now and orientation is well and over. So I’m hopeful that this could still be helpful to some of you.

 

I remember very well my first day of work at Yishun JC. A few days before I knew I was going to start work, I asked my best friend to drive with me to Yishun so I can check out the school from the outside. I don’t live near Yishun so when we drove into ’Yishun New Town’ it was a very unfamiliar feeling for me. To be honest, I remember my first impression of the facade of Yishun JC was not that good. haha. I thought the roof looked quite old from the outside and the whole place seemed very ‘kampong’. My friend, being the eternal optimist, tried to encourage me by saying ’maybe things will be better inside?’ The couple of days before I was going to officially start work at Yishun, I did what I could to prepare myself psychologically for the change. I did what most women would do – buy a new bag. So on my 1st day, I stood at the general office with my new bag, waiting anxiously to see the Principal. Everything was so foreign, I suddenly don’t have a sense of direction, I didn’t even know where the toilet was or where I could get some food so I didn’t eat anything the first day. I couldn’t remember half the names of the people who were introduced to me and I was so conscious that people could tell I was feeling very awkward.

 

I’m not sure how many of you can connect with my experience when you first came to YJ. The feeling that everything was so foreign and you felt so ’out of place’. Managing change is not easy. It involves being able to say goodbye to what you liked about the past (secondary school buddies, the familiar school grounds), being okay with the temporary discomfort of the new, and then realizing that things have permanently changed and being able to accept and adapt to that change.

 

Most of us are able to navigate the changes that come our way with the help of friends and family and some patience and perseverance. For me, I knew it was important for me to talk to my friends and also keep up my daily exercise routine so I don’t feel that everything has changed.  3 years down the road and I”m glad to say that I now know where everything is (almost everything…sometimes I still don’t know where S02 is), the daily commute is less of a chore and I’m happy here at YJ.

 

Some of us have a harder time with managing change and that’s when it’s important to have your coping strategies in place and know the available resources that you can turn to.  Perhaps what you need is also more time and more patience. If it will be helpful to you, you can also talk to your form teacher and come and look for me to find out more about coping strategies.

Happy CNY?

hello everyone!! A belated welcome back to school term. It took me awhile to warm up and get over the shock of having to work again after a 1 month hiatus so it’s taken awhile for me to start writing on the blog again. Definitely my new year resolution is to write more and connect with you guys through this blog, cos I know many of you will rather be dead than to be seen walking into the counsellor’s office (something which I still can’t fathom)!

Chinese New Year (CNY) has always been a very tiresome period for me cos that’s when intensive family bonding is made compulsory even when you don’t really like the ‘extended’ family. Then there’s all that probing into your private life, including endless comparing of grades between cousins, who goes to what school, whose tuition teacher is better, who did better for PSLE, O’levels, A’levels, Kindergarten etc. And the critical eyes who won’t fail to tell you that your waist is rounder by 0.5 inches. Nowadays at least we have the iPhone and we can pretend to be really busy. In the past I’ll try to look busy reading a book but will get a scolding for being a curse (book is ‘shu’ in Chinese which sounds like ‘lose’) by the tireless gamblers.

I still don’t have an antidote to the above ills of CNY and certainly there are tons of people out there who LOVES CNY and can’t wait to bond with the 4th cousin of 9th uncle’s 2nd sister.  Perhaps a dash of optimism helps as well as loads of resilience so you won’t walk away from the inevitable comparisons feeling lousier about yourself. I used to feel depleted having to visit relatives and talk to people also cos I’m such an introvert. Hope everyone will return to college next Wednesday from your CNY break recharged rather than depleted.

Mixing agendas here a little bit but I’ve been reading alot about sustainability of seafood and the impending extinction of sharks. I think as educators and students we should learn more about the impact of our actions on the environment and wider ecology of things so this year (and for the past 10 years) i’m saying no to Sharks Fin Soup and passing the message along on behalf of FIN and ScubaSG.

Happy CNY everyone!

Techniques for Focusing – Thought Stopping

Sometimes when we get stuck on a question in the exams, we start having ‘runaway thoughts’ like “I’m going to fail this entire exam, I should have prepared for this topic instead of the other one, I’m so stupid, why didn’t I study harder?” etc etc. Sounds familiar to you? Sometimes we’re able to shrug it off and continue to focus on the exam. For some people, however, these negative thoughts continue to run over and over in their minds, resulting in greater anxiety as the clock continues to tick away.

A technique that some people have found useful when this happens is to literally tell yourself to STOP! Mentally shout STOP IT! to yourself or picture a STOP sign in your head to stop these thoughts from spiralling downwards even further. When I find unwelcome thoughts in my head, I sometimes picture a door and I shove all the unwanted thoughts out the door and literally slam the door on them! It helps to then take a few deep breaths and then go back to your exam paper.

Some people have also found it helpful to wear a rubber band around their wrist and to pull lightly on the rubber band when they get caught in runaway negative thoughts while saying ‘stop it’ at the same time. What this does is to create a mild sort of pain which helps to snap you back into reality and bring your attention back to your exam paper. Don’t pull too hard on the rubber band cos it’s not supposed to be some kind of ‘punishment’. Just a light tug will do the trick. So if you know you’re the kind who tends to flood yourself with negative thoughts during an exam, you can give the above techniques a shot and see if it works for you. Again, practice these techniques 10-12 times if you can before the exam itself so you can train your brain to respond to it accordingly.

Techniques for Calming and Focusing

Exams are literally right round the corner. I know many of you out there are wringing your hands and cramming as much information as possible in these last few days and weeks and guilt-tripping yourself for going online and checking FB and thinking maybe if you’re reading the counsellor’s blog then it’s not SUCH a bad thing, right? Well it most certainly is not cos today I’m going to share a technique that all of you can use for calming and focusing yourself when you freak out. 

The ability to calm yourself down and refocus in times of distress is one of the 7 key traits that resilient people possess, according to the authors of this bestselling book ’The Resilience Factor’. I think I talked about debating with your negative thoughts, finding evidence for your distorted thinking etc before somewhere in the blog. In an exam situation, however, there really isn’t much time for this cognitive debate and that’s where calming and focusing comes in really useful. There are several different techniques you can try to calm yourself down and refocus and I’ll write about one technique a day so you can try the different ones and see which one works better for you.

 

The most scientifically researched and widely used way to calm and refocus is *drum roll* rhythmic breathing. We all naturally breathe rhythmically (at least I hope you do!) which is why we are of sound mind most of the time. Faced with a high stress situation, however, our breathing is often compromised. Scientists have researched and found that a 10 second breathing cycle works to activate our parasympathetic nervous system which basically tells our brain that there is no immediate threat and to calm down so you can think straight.

 

Without going too much into the theory, try this where you are now:-

 

1. Sit back in your chair and close your eyes. Bring your attention to your breathing. Take 2 or 3 ‘normal breaths’ and relax your shoulders.

 

2. On your next inhale, count slowly to yourself “one…two…three…four…”, filling your lungs with air and letting your abdomen push out naturally. Remember to keep your shoulders relaxed and breathe in through your nose.

 

3. On your exhale, count slowly again “one…two…three…four…five…six…” again keeping your shoulders relaxed and breathe out through your mouth.

 

4. Do this 10 times (or more if you want to) and then take 2 or 3 ‘normal breaths’ again. Open your eyes and continue with what you were doing.

 

Remember to pace your breathing so you don’t take all the air in at ‘one’ or release all the air at one go. It’s more about prolonged breathing than taking in as much air as you can at one shot. This simple exercise would only take you about 2 minutes so it’s something you can do before the invigilator says ‘you may start’ and in between when you feel stuck and panicked. Practice this several times before you step into the exam hall so it becomes second nature and takes the guess work out of it. Or come look for me at the counselling room and we can practice it together.

 

Image used with permission from Arvind Balaraman http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1058

World Mental Health Day 2011

World Mental Health Day falls on 10th October this year and is held annually to raise public awareness on mental health issues and to give everyone an open platform to learn, discuss and share stories related to mental health. This year I’m joining a blog party to write on something related to mental health on October 10th (http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mental-health-day/)  except that I won’t be free to blog on that day so I suppose I’m joining the party early.

Mental Health is something that is very close to my heart. In fact I blogged about it last year as well.  Too many of us sideline the importance of mental health. I remember the last time I got a physical health check and the last time I went to a dentist, but when was the last time I got my mental health checked out? We function optimally when we have a healthy mind, body and spirit.  We act quickly (or at least I do cos I”m hypochrondriac) when we discover a growth that is out of place (is it cancer?!) while some people can be chronically sad, angry, anxious or depressed for a long long time but don’t do anything about it.

A day of observance like World Mental Health Day gives us the opportunity to do something about it, to find out more information, to get our mental health checked out and to also pledge our commitment to stamp out stigma against people with mental illness. A recent report showed that one in six singaporean adults will suffer from some form of common mental health disorder in their lifetime but less than half will seek help (see CNA article below).

Singapore marks World Mental Health Day – Channel NewsAsia.

Share your stories related to mental health with us here by posting a comment or sending an email to me.

Here are some events that we’ll still be in time for:-

(1) A Journey to Recovery

A roadshow to highlight mental wellness and to dispel the myths of mental illness. From 8 October to 9 October at Citylink Mall.

http://www.reload.aic.sg/AIC/Main/event.aspx?eventsid=acebfdc7-fb35-4c7c-a971-8baf10a37825

(2) World Mental Health Day 2011 – “Investing in Health, Engaging the Elderly”

Organized by the Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH), it’s a one day event on 8 October which includes a brisk walk in the morning and concurrent talks and workshops at the Ang Mo Kio CC.

(3) World Mental Health Day 2011 Celebrations at IMH

An afternoon of interesting activities at IMH lobby including hands-on workshops, book sale etc. on 21st October 1pm to 5pm.

http://www.youthinmind.sg/events/eventdetail.aspx?id=3587

Motivating words from an ex-YJCian

Hey everyone, I received this ‘comment’ from an ex-YJCian in response to a post I wrote on motivation. I’m reposting it here for everyone cos it was impactful to me as I think about the difficulties students face, the obstacles in their way and the resilience and strength of character some of you display. Enough from me, here it is in its entirety:-

“Hi Joan,

Happened to click on the link in your sign-off and stumbled upon this post.
I really wana post a comment even though this post was dated almost a year back. Probably u would ask me WHY??
Well, reasons being,
1) I was a YJCian, from 1998-2000,
2) I failed my “A” Levels and repeated in Yr 2000 and made it to Uni eventually! =)
3) I tot i wana share this with my fellow YJCian juniors who may be reading this too.

In fact, I almost failed my promo in Yr 1 but managed to scrape through and went to Yr 2. However, i continued to be lazy, distracted and playful that I ended up getting 2 Fs and 1 E for my “A” Levels in Yr 2000. Man it was like the end of the world then! i cried buckets, my friends (whom I can’t join in Uni) consoled me, and i was actually okay after 30mins of crying~ Haha.. (Which i now call “crying therapy”).
And I knew I had to bounce back fast, register for my repeat in YJC and buck up for the upcoming “A” levels at the end of the year!!

Well it was really tough back then, cynical remarks abt “repeats”, insults like “you should know what~ u studied this before” when we can’t answer a chemistry question, and dealing with the feeling of being “2nd-class citizens”.

We (the repeat-students) therefore form our own peer-support group, to help each other during self-study in the library. We sat in individual cubicles, mugged and ONLY talked when we need help on solving the OMG-so-difficult ten-year series questions! The only break times were water-refilling, toilet-break and lunch break~ (wow i missed the daily dose of Malay food where the auntie would give big chunks of mutton curry, resulting in some bad sore throat the week after! haha.)

Despite these adversities, we saw positivity and marched on, wanting to achieve our goal to pass the “A” levels. We had a couple of dedicated and supportive teachers who did not gave up on us. I still remember Mr Wong (Yih Chong) who taught Physics and Mrs Lim (Sze Cheng) the Chemistry teacher who were so patient coaching us, and encouraged us as well even when they were not our subject teachers-in-charge. Tears welled up as I am typing, as I remember how i relate my incident of being humiliated, to Mrs Lim and she was there listening and taught me everything i need to learn. I was really touched.
As Carl W. Buecher once said:
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

I am glad that I’ve made in it 2001, with average results for me to go into NTU, Materials Engineering. The 4 years were tough, but I pulled through and became a Product Engineer for Medical Devices for the past 5.5 years.
And now…
I am a School Counsellor trainee in a neighborhood school.
That was what I wanted to do, alongside the children in their path of seeking knowledge and identity. Guiding them on the values in life, teaching them about resilience and most importantly, letting them know that there is HOPE in life.

No matter what we do, as long as there is hope and we do not give up on ourselves, we will be good. Whether you become an engineer, an accountant, a lawyer, an actor, a teacher or a counsellor, life can be great if you want it to be.

I do have classmates from YJC, who failed their A-levels but having their own businesses now. Some who repeated but failed a 2nd time, and pursued a diploma in Polytechnic thereafter. What I saw in them is the perseverance and strength, the “NEVER SAY DIE” attitude that helped them pull through.
And back then, we had no counsellors to support us! How fortunate are the students nowadays! =)

Hence, I would like to end off this post with this quote:

“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.”                                                               –Napoleon Hill”

LJY

Stress Management Video 2011

This is the video that I tried to show during JC1 assembly yesterday but think the audio was too soft.  Thanks once again to the students who gamely volunteered to be interviewed!

Bouncing back from adversity

During the recent June school holidays, I took off for 3 weeks to volunteer in a small seaside town called Otsuchi in Iwate prefecture in the north-east of Japan. Otsuchi was hit by a 20 metre tsunami in the March 11th earthquake and most of everything was washed off. As the vehicle trundled into the town, there were no buildings in sight. Just endless miles of NOTHING. Empty plots of land where houses and commerical buildings used to be and lots and lots of dust and debri. It seemed like someone had inadvertently dropped a nuclear bomb on the town and forgot to inform the residents to evacuate. So many people vanished, swallowed up by the sea, listed as ‘missing’.

Many who survived are living in this community centre sitting at the top of the hill overlooking what used to be a beautiful seaside town. It is in this community centre that I spent most of my time playing with children, making coffee (an ironic throwback to my time as a barista) and talking to the elderly folks, listening to their stories. Most of them escaped with only the clothes on their back. There was no time to pack…I wondered what it would be like if I no longer had any possessions except for the Muji polo tee and khakis I’m wearing now. At least it’s Muji.

All over the world people gave props to the Japanese for their resilience in the face of adversity. Resilience is not complicated…it’s about bouncing back from stuff and events that got you down. For the Otsuchi people it’s bouncing back from their grief of losing family and friends and their lost jobs and property however uncertain their future might seem. And there will always be people who bounce well and those who don’t the whys and hows of which would be the subject of another blog post.

We can’t control whether adversities happen to us. In fact some would say it’s not a matter of whether adversties could hit us but rather when. And these adversities could range from 20 metre tsunamis to repeatedly failing your math test, to breaking up with your long-term boy/girlfriend. We can’t control what sets us back, but we can control how we choose to respond to it. I say ‘choose’ because that’s really what it is…a choice that we can exercise. Sometimes the setback is so great and grievous we feel we can’t choose and that’s a perfectly normal human response as well. I have had my fair share of adversities some of which I bounce back from quickly and some of which left me feeling defeated and deflated. But as I look back (and of course with hind sight everything looks clearer) I have to admit I had choices to make and I didn’t always make wise ones. We can learn to make wiser choices, to respond to adversities in a way that is kinder to ourselves, we can learn to become more resilient. In a way, we kinda have to. (above picture taken with Mr Akasaki, town council member of Otsuchi. At least he escaped with his mobile phone!)

Psychosis or Possession?

Okay I have no life.  During Chinese  New Year instead of shamelessly collecting ang pows (shameless considering my age) I was reading an article titled ‘arresting psychosis in the young’ in The Straits Times just this past weekend. In this article, it talked about a large-scale research study that the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) initiated in a bid to find out more about the difference between normal and at-risk persons for a mental health condition known as psychosis.

Psychosis is little know among many of us. We are familiar with terms such as clinical depression, anxiety disorder and anorexia/bulimia but considering that psychosis that leads to schizohprenia is most likely to start between the ages of 15 and 29, it’s palpable how little we know. Psychosis is a condition of the mind and a person suffering from psychosis can experience hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not there), delusions (e.g. thinking that people are watching you) or other abnormal behavior (e.g. talking or smiling to yourself).  You can see that some of these symptoms can be a bit ‘scary’ for some people  especially family members and friends of persons suffering from psychosis.  Often it has been mistaken as demonic possession or as the Chinese puts it ‘Gui Shang Shen’.  No doubt this is attributed to ‘The Exorcist’ and other horror films depicting demonic possession and in some cases these ‘spirits’ or ‘demons’ can even jump from person to person! What then happens is that instead of receiving psychiatric treatment, these people suffering from psychosis are brought to mediums or priests who could help to ‘cast out’ the demons and ‘cure’ the person.

I’ve been asked what my views are of possession, whether I believe there’s such a thing.  I think that’s really missing the point because it doesn’t matter what my views are of possession.  What matters is that many of these cases are really incidents of psychotic episodes which is highly treatable with medication if it’s detected early. Really what is needed more is information, knowledge and empathic understanding. Do check out the Early Psychosis Intervention Program (EPIP) website to find out more. http://www.epip.org.sg

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=404

I learned something from Lady Gaga

Happy New Year everyone! A little belated but at least it’s still January! Someone mentioned to me this morning that he’s gonna check out my blog which got me freaked out for a second there cos I haven’t been very good at keeping up with the writing. So it was a good nudge to start the writing again.

I’ve been wanting to finish this Lady Gaga post forever. In fact I got it in my draft for a good 6 months but didn’t do anything about it. I happened to catch it on Ellen last year and was struck by some of the things that Lady Gaga said about feeling that she doesn’t fit in school and felt kind of left out in high school. It just didn’t seem like something we would expect her to say because she has so many fans all over the world! She talked about wanting to create a space for her fans to feel like they belong and also how she didn’t feel like a winner inside but it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t one. So it just got me thinking about how we are surrounded by unique individuals in our lives and how we are also unique in our own way. Sometimes our uniqueness might mean that we don’t belong or ‘fit’ as much as we would like to especially in school. But it doesn’t mean that there’s something ‘wrong’ with us. So I was inspired by how Lady Gaga celebrated her own uniqueness and quirkiness.

I’m very often quite the loner myself, preferring to bury my head in a book than to socialize. It took me quite a long time to become comfortable in my own skin and it’s still a work in progress on some days. So I guess I’m hoping that some of you out there who don’t feel like you ‘fit’ could take some comfort and inspiration from here and grow to celebrate yourself for who you are.